my best friends died tonight

one of my best friends died tonight. aaron huffstetler. we've been friends for about 16 years, and we shared a lot of memories and a lot of life together. he was a good man and a good husband and a good father. and he was the kind of man who just knew when to show up. he knew how to laugh, he knew how to open up his home, he knew how to be generous, and he knew how to be a good friend. he carried me in those quiet ways that only those who have logged a lot of years with you know how to do. he loved my music and came out to hear me play every time I had a gig. he came to my birthday parties. he had every record I've ever made, and he would talk to me about them. he had beautiful children, and I told him that every time I saw him.I've lost a few best friends now, I really have, and to be honest, I'm really angry about it. and I'm really sad about it, too. I held aaron's widow, ashleigh, tonight, for a really long time. I told her I was so sorry. and I just stood there with her for a really long time as her body heaved in grief. I hugged aaron's parents and I told them I was sorry, too. I hugged my friend frank and I told him that if he dies that I am going to fucking lose it. and then I told him that I loved him. and then I went home and drank a bottle of wine and sat with my dogs and I've been playing piano (as frank predicted) for several hours now. brooke has been good to me. she has been quietly staying with me, even though I've been angry and upset and unkind to her.tonight is a dark night. and I'm tired of people telling me that they are praying for me. aaron was my friend, and he never fed me any bullshit like that. thinking about that, and missing aaron, and weeping as I type.and missing my friend.